Smoky memories....

Papa was telling one of his funny stories over breakfast. We all sat in the little breakfast room around the table, eating, listening and laughing. Papa was a big man with very thin hair, big ears and a loud, rumbling, heartfelt laugh.  He almost always had a great story or a little ditty or song.   That morning was one of joy and sunshine.  Mimi’s little canary, Tarzan, was singing along with our laughter. 

The phone rang.  It never rang this early in the day.  Papa excused himself and went to answer it.  We all sat at the table, still laughing. 

“Lou!  It’s Dick. Come quickly.” Papa hollered. Papa never raised his voice for anything.

Mama dropped her fork and ran from the table.  I snuck up from the table and followed as quietly as I could. She took the phone in Papa’s & Mimi’s bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed.  As I got there, she was turning white as a sheet.  I quietly moved over to the vanity chair, and sat, waiting for the news.    I suddenly felt very sick. Something was dreadfully wrong.  It seemed to take forever.  I could hear every breath I took.  Thunder rumbled in my ears. I could see Mama talking on the phone to Daddy, but I couldn’t hear her words.  Papa and Mimi came into the room, Mimi holding my baby brother, gently swaying with him to keep him happy.

Mama hung up and just looked at Papa, not saying word.  Papa told her he would take us all to the train station as soon as we could get ready.  I loved riding the train, but we just got here! We hadn’t even finished breakfast.  We hadn’t been to Sadie’s new apartment or to see her college. I couldn’t move.  I didn’t know what was going on, but it had to be bad.  Was Jody hurt? Was Daddy? Did Grandma die?  What happened?  

Mama, Papa & Mimi were running all over the house.  Mimi put the baby in the playpen and asked me to clear the dishes from the table like the big girl I was.  I was confused.  What happened?  I felt like I was walking in slow motion as I cleared the table.  Mama called for me to change out of my play clothes and to help her pack the baby’s things.

We all hurriedly piled into Papa’s big black car.   It had a little fold up seat just like the taxi-cabs.   I wanted to sit there, but Mama insisted I sit beside her like a good girl.  She hugged Baby as he sat on her lap and held my hand tightly as Papa drove us to the train station.  Mimi gave Mama instructions on what to do when we got home and made Mama take money for a taxicab to the house from the train station once we got home.  She said she didn’t want to worry about us getting there and not being able to get a hold of Daddy to come pick us up.   I still didn’t know what happened, and I was so scared.

I don’t remember much of the train ride home. I loved to ride on the trains.  Since I was four, I could walk to the end of the train car and get a cup of water. I loved the clickity-clack, clickity-clack of the train going down the tracks.  The cars waited to cross the streets as we flew by.  The conductor, wearing his uniform and cap with its shiny badge, would smile and tip his hat at Mama, calling her Ma’am and me Little Miss.  But, this time, it’s all a blur.  No one told me what had happened.  I wanted to go home, but I was scared to go home. 

When we got to there, it seemed a dark and scary place.  There was no one there to get us.  Jody wasn’t there. Daddy wasn’t there.  I helped Mama get our things and get off of the train.  As the cab drove us home, the sky opened up.  The thunder and lightning seemed to just push me down until I wanted to just hide behind Mama.

We finally pulled up in front of the house.  But, it wasn’t right.  There was Daddy’s truck and the blue station wagon, and our big green porch, but the house was all wrong.   Most of the walls were missing.  The parts that were there were covered with something stinky and black.  The springs of a chair and part of the frame sat there awkwardly on a blackened section of floor.  The house had burned.

Daddy and Jody out came from the garage.  I ran to Daddy, so relieved to see them.  He lifted me up and hugged me.  I wrapped my arms around him and cried.   He was sweaty and stinky and wet, but I didn’t want to let go of him.

Jody took the baby from Mama.  We went to the garage apartment to sit with Grandma while Daddy and Mama walked through the remains of the house.  

We moved into a hotel that night.  I had never stayed in a hotel before. It had a big swimming pool that I couldn’t wait to swim in.  We had two rooms with a little door that opened between them.  Mama, Daddy, baby and I stayed in one room. Since Grandma couldn’t be left alone, Jody and Grandma shared the other room. 

The only clothes Daddy and Jody had were the ones they were wearing.  Daddy was in his pajamas, robe and house shoes.  Jody was dressed and ready to go do his paper route when he discovered the living room was on fire.  They both had to go buy new clothes and shoes right away.  Mama, baby and I had a few days of clothes in our luggage.  I was so glad Mama had let me bring my doll, Thumbelina, to Dallas with us or I would have lost her, too.

We didn’t get to go swimming for several days.  Everyone was so busy trying to take care of the baby, Grandma, the dogs, Daddy’s business, buying new clothes and bathing suits, rebuilding the house, and everything that the days flew by.  Every night, we all fell into bed, exhausted.

We did finally go swimming.  The pool didn’t have a shallow end for little girls!  Who made this pool?  Didn’t they think that little girls might want to swim?  I just sat on the pool chairs with Mama and the baby while Daddy and Jody swam.  I lost my home, my clothes, my books, my toys, and my bed.  I had share a bed with Baby because we didn’t have a crib in the hotel room. And now, I couldn’t swim in the pool. 

It just wasn’t fair.

Long, Hot Summer

It was a hot, sticky day.  The afternoon sunshine blasted in the windows as though it were looking for someone to melt. The low hum of the attic fan droned on incessantly. I just lay on the floor under the fan trying to cool off.  Mama was washing dishes, her apron soaking wet from dishwater, her hair, wet with sweat, was plastered to her head.  The smell of the soap bubbles and dirty dishes was pulled into the room, making the air seem stickier.  The baby was playing in the playpen nearby in front of the dining room windows.  He was just in his diaper.  I wished I could have pulled my polyester short suit and shoes off, too.

The doorbell rang.  I had to have imagined it. Who would be out in this dreadful heat?  Mama didn’t hear it.  My sister, Sadie, didn’t come running, so I must have dreamed it. 

“Yoo-hoo! Anyone home?” a voice called from other side of the wood-slatted screen door.  I heard a clatter of dishes as Mama was startled. 

“Now, boys!  Be still! Stand straight!”  I heard the voice on the front porch say.

Mama came rushing out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a dishtowel, and trying to straighten her hair.  She unlatched the screen door and cautiously opened it. 

“Octavia!” she exclaimed.  “Oh my!”  She stepped out the door and gave the woman a big hug. 

Octavia stood there, wooden, with her cigarette in her hand, as Mama’s arms wrapped around her tall, thin frame. Mama gave each of the boys a hug. “Oh, Little Ted! You aren’t so little anymore,” she said as she hugged the tallest and nearest.  “Tommy, you look more like your father every day! Rocky, you are such a little man! Just look at you! Come! Come on in out of this heat! Kids! Your cousins are here!” She quickly said as she swept them into the house. 

Aunt Octavia walked past me as she headed for the sofa nearest the windows. She smelled strongly of cigarettes and perfume.  Her dress was a copy of Mrs. Kennedy’s, complete with the beautiful blue pill box hat that sat on her golden brown curls.  I had never seen anyone wear lipstick quite that bright red nor shoes with heels that high.  She looked so cool when I was so hot.

The three boys shambled in and sat on the couch beside their mother.  They looked hot and itchy in their Sunday best. 

Mama ran to and to straighten her hair and change her blouse.  She called to Sadie to get some iced tea.  Mama was not tall, and had a pleasing figure. I had bet Suzy Wilkerson that Mama’s lap and snuggles were better than her Mama’s lap and snuggles… and won.  Her soft black hair usually hung in large curls around her sweet face.  I just stood there frozen in my shyness.  I crept over to the baby and reached in to touch his little face finding comfort there, not looking at these strangers. 

Sadie came running out of the kitchen with the iced tea on a tray.  Her hair was in huge curlers. She had on jeans cut capri-style like that lady on television, and a blouse which had been tied around her waist, but was now tucked properly in her jeans. 

“Octavia, you didn’t tell us you were coming! What a nice surprise!” Mama said as she finally sat down in the living room and sipped her iced tea.

“Lou, I couldn’t just drive through town on our way to California without stopping, now, could I?” she said as sweet as syrup.   She sipped at her iced tea, but the boys chugged theirs down.

Aunt Octavia and the boys stayed for dinner. And, breakfast the next morning. 

The boys were loud and rowdy.  They woke Baby with their fighting and carrying on.  Sadie was not pleased because they answered the door and harassed her date that evening.  My brother, Jody, escaped to his church group.  I wanted to go with him but I was stuck with the cousins.

 I asked if they wanted to play baseball; they laughed at me.

“Baseball isn’t for girls!” Little Ted said.     

“But, I can hit like any boy!”

Rocky, who wasn’t much older than me, grabbed the bat and ball.  Little Ted grabbed my glove. 

Tommy grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, “Don’t tell on us or else!”  And, they all ran off to the field down the street.  I could hear them laughing half a block away.                           

That evening, after dinner, Sadie, Jody and I cleared and washed the dishes.  Mama, Daddy & Aunt Octavia sat at the table to talk and drink coffee.  Aunt Octavia had changed for dinner.  I had seen people do that in the movies.  Was she someone rich or important?   Mama and Daddy never sat at the table drinking coffee after dinner.  Mama was always too busy and Daddy liked his beer and shows.   She had to be somebody!

Aunt Octavia excused herself and grabbed her bright red purse which matched her shoes, dress and lipstick.  “I am going to go get some cigarettes.  Do you mind watching the boys while I am gone?”  I heard her say.

I ran to the kitchen window to watch her get in her bright yellow car.  It was the prettiest car I had ever seen.  I wanted to ride in it, but I knew better than to ask.  She wrapped a scarf around her hair as she got into the car.  Watching her was like watching a television show, only in color.

At bedtime, I had to sleep in the crib with Baby again. I didn’t really mind. Usually, I slept with Sadie in the big bed. Sometimes, when Mama would sit on the bed to tuck me in, the slat would come out of one end and would fall to the ground.  We would have to sleep that night on the crooked bed. I always got the side that was on the floor since I was so much smaller.  The two older cousins got our bed and Rocky slept on a pallet in the bedroom.  Aunt Octavia got to sleep in Jody’s bed.  Jody & Sadie slept on pallets on the living room floor.

The next morning at breakfast, Mama and Daddy were arguing in whispers.  When the cousins came into the room, they stopped talking. Daddy sat at the kitchen table, drinking his coffee and reading his newspaper.  Mama scurried around the tiny kitchen, cooking eggs for everyone.  The boys shoved the eggs in their mouths, their faces almost on the plates.  Sadie and Jody helped Mama feed Baby and do the dishes. Aunt Octavia must have had something to do this morning as she wasn’t there.

Lunchtime came and went.  Aunt Octavia still wasn’t there.  Daddy came in from work to eat. He and Mama were still arguing in whispers.  Sadie and Jody were acting kind of funny.  After lunch, they both got their chores done quickly and then just sat in the living room, waiting.  I took my afternoon nap.  On hot summer days, an afternoon nap was so nice.   I could lay down on Jody’s bed which was right under the windows.  The attic fan pulled in a nice breeze. It was the coolest spot in the whole house except for right under the fan.  I pulled out a library book and read myself to sleep.

I could read early.  I didn’t have to go to school to learn that.  Mama and Sadie read books to me.  Sadie and Jody taught me words.  Before I knew it, I had my very own library card.  I was so proud of that card!  When there was no one to play with, or it was just too hot, I could read a story to myself. I didn’t have to wait for Mama or Sadie to have time to read to me. I loved to go to the library.  It was cool in the basement that held the children’s books.  They had tables that fit me just right.  I would sit there and read the books I chose while everyone else was upstairs in the adult library picking out their books.

That evening, Daddy did something different.  “Come on everyone!” he hollered. “Come out back!”

Daddy had bought something that looked like a small wooden barrel, but it had a handle on top.  Mama came out carrying this silver thing which she put inside the little barrel. Daddy attached the handle and then poured ice and salt in the barrel all around the silver part.

“Who wants to crank first?”

The cousins all took their turns first as they were guests.  Mama looked a bit tired and concerned.  Aunt Octavia still hadn’t come back.  I couldn’t help but wonder where fancy people like her got their cigarettes.  Daddy just got his at the corner grocery store.

After we all cranked for what seemed like forever, Daddy declared it ice cream!  I was so excited. We never had sweets or ice cream or desserts.  Those were only for special occasions! And, now, we could make it at home, ourselves in this magic little barrel!  It was the best ice cream I had ever tasted! 

Lightening bugs started blinking.  I loved to watch them.  Daddy would always catch one and let it crawl on his hand until it flew off.  If I was lucky, he would let it crawl on my hand, blinking, until it flew away. Daddy was a bug man.  He taught us that lightening bugs were good bugs. They ate aphids and bad bugs from the gardens.  The cousins started slapping at the fireflies.

“No! Don’t kill them!”  I ran to stop them. 

They pushed and shoved me down, but I got up again and again, crying.  Mama and Daddy made them stop; but, already they had killed dozens.   Mama picked me up and carried me into the house, sobbing on her shoulder.

She carried me to our rocker.  I loved that rocker. It creaked as we rocked. It had little lion heads at the ends of the arms and lions feet on the legs.  She held me and rocked and shushed me. 

“Aunt Octavia isn’t coming back,” she said quietly.  “She has left the boys with us while Uncle Ted is away.  They are our family now.  But, we have to be patient with them as they haven’t had anyone to love them like you have.”   She squeezed me in a gentle hug. She moved my hair back from my teary face. I fell asleep to the sound of the rocker creaking and Mama’s soft voice singing to me.

A Hot Afternoon

All I could think about, as I sat by Daddy in the van, was riding Christie. I was big enough to be able to go out of the corral.  I had been riding my horse by myself for two years now. I wanted to see the rest of the little ranch. There was one tank. Were there more? What was over that hill?  Was it all hot and dusty? If I rode out of the corral, I could ride and ride as Daddy didn’t ride and wouldn’t come to get me.

 It seemed like we would never get there.  Daddy stopped at the liquor store for ice, beer and cigarettes.  I liked going there as Mr. B always had a peppermint for me and he had a big, blue parrot who would talk to me.  I got to go in the store so that I could hold the ice chest open while Daddy filled it with ice.  If Daddy went to the other liquor store, I would have had to sit in the van and wait.  I hated that. Daddy always seemed to take forever and the van was hot and smelly.

We finally pulled up in the driveway of the little ranch. Mr. Orms came sauntering out.  He looked and walked like those guys on the silly cowboy calendars.  He wore an old wrinkled hat, beaten up boots, jeans with a hand-tooled leather belt and a huge, silver belt buckle. He wore Eli shirts, just like Daddy. All the cowboys seemed to wear Eli shirts. 

As I got out of the van, I saw a kitten scamper into the shed. A KITTEN!  I had never seen a kitten before except in books and movies.  All thoughts of riding went out of my head.  I just had to hold a kitten.  Mr. Orms noticed my excitement. 

He laughed, “Them’s feral cats.  You'll never catch one!”

“May I try?” I begged and looked at Daddy and Mr. Orms. They had to say yes, they just had to!

“Darlin’, if you catch one, you can have it!” Mr. Orms drawled around the toothpick in his mouth.

I looked at Daddy. I knew better than to say a word, but I hoped.  Daddy was stuck.  He couldn’t contradict his friend. It just wasn’t in him.

“Aw, shucks, she ain’t gonna catch one.” Mr. Orms reassured Daddy.

“Well, if she does, we are naming it after you!” Daddy said, just a bit unhappily.  He didn’t like cats. They walked back to the van to get the hay and beer cooler, talking about the horses and the dry, hot weather. 

I looked back at them.  Could I really have one if I caught it?  My head spun! A kitten!  Oh, I had to have one!  I walked as quietly as I could in my red boots towards the shed. I had never been in there.  It was rather large, filled with feed bags, hay and horse tackle. It was hot and dusty. The smell of hay was sharp in the heat.  Could I do it?  Could I catch one?  Yes! I could.  I just had to!

 A gray kitten scurried out the door. I shut the door to keep any more from escaping, if there were any more inside. I quietly walked around, looking behind feed bags and crawling over the bales of hay.  There were four kittens crouched in a corner of the shed behind a bale.  Three of them were hissing up a storm! They didn’t want me anywhere near them. The fourth one was very small and quiet, like me. He looked up at me with big brown eyes and I knew that he was the one I wanted!

I was afraid to reach down to get him as the other kittens might scratch or bite me.  I looked around and saw Mr. Orms’ big leather gloves hanging on the wall.  Those would work just fine.  I crawled up on a bag of feed and stretched as far as I could. Not quite.  I needed something else to put on that bag.  There was a bale of hay right by the feed bag.  I pushed and shoved the feed bag over and then moved the hay bale, inch by inch.   Then, I pushed and pulled the feed bag until it was on the hay bale.  I climbed on top of the pile and stretched…. just one more inch…. I got it!   I held it by a finger tip and shook it so that if there were any spiders or scorpions in it, they would fall out.

I finally got the glove on.  It was so big I had to hold the top with my other hand so it wouldn’t fall off.  I crawled over the hay bale and laid on my tummy.  As I reached down to get the kitten, the other kittens ran off, hissing and snarling.  But the little orange one just sat there, looking up at me.  As I grabbed him, he hissed, quietly.  I hugged him to my chest.  I was so excited I thought I would cry! I caught it! I caught the kitten.  Now, if Daddy would just let me keep him! 

I sat in the hot, stuffy, dusty shed until I heard Daddy and Mr. Orms come back out from the stables.  Daddy hollered for me.  I walked out of the shed, proud but also a bit afraid Daddy would say no.  I still had the leather glove on as I showed them that I had caught a kitten.

Mr. Orms laughed and laughed.   He couldn’t believe his eyes!

Daddy didn’t look too happy.  I didn’t say a word. I just looked up at him, silently begging to keep the kitten.

“Now, you know I said she could have one if she caught it!”  Mr. Orms teased Daddy as he slapped him on the back, still laughing.

“Yep, ya did.  Alright, but we’re naming it after you!” Daddy replied.

“Hello, Mr. Orms,” I said to the kitten as I pet his little red head.

Daddy & Mr. Orms burst out laughing.   I was so confused. Did I get to keep the kitten or not?

“We’ll call him Dewey, honey.” Daddy finally said as he dropped his cigarette to the driveway and smashed it with a twist of his foot. “That’s Mr. Orms’ first name.”

We drove with the windows closed so the kitten wouldn’t jump out. It was hot and sweaty, but worth it.  Mama was so surprised!  She took Dewey from my arms and held him gently.  He snuggled her and purred. 

The cousins were visiting Aunt Dinky for the summer. Baby was now 3 and had a bed in our bedroom.  Sister had gone off to college so it was quiet at home.  I was glad. 

Mama and I put newspaper down in the little green bathroom for the kitten.  That night, Mama tucked me in bed, put Dewey in the bathroom and shut the door. Dewey mewed and mewed.  He didn’t like being in there all alone. I waited until I heard Daddy go to bed, then I snuck out of bed and got Dewey. He purred and snuggled.  I tried to hide him under the covers, just in case, but he’d have none of that. He crawled over to my neck, tucked his head under my chin and went to sleep, purring softly. 

He slept that way for the next 10 years, purring me to sleep.